sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
