My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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