I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
