I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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