ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
