I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
