if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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