I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
