He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
