You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
