her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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