he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
