remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
