you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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