I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
