I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
