Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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