the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
