what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
