woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
