seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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