Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
