He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
