Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize