I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
