Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
