I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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