when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
