i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My ass is underappreciated
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
