I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
