Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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