I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
