I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
