that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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