So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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