Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
