haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
