I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
