$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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