When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
