He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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