there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
