Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
