Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize