Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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