so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize