im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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