He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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