Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
