lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
