i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
