Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have fence marks all over my body
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
