I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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