i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
