Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
