So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
