i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
