I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
