Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
