Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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