I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
