i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
