He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
