How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
