the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
