Me too!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
