He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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