If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
