Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize