they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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