I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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