I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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