I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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