they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
