I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
