My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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