I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
