So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
