I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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