perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
