There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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