you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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