I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize