It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize