I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
