I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
