I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize