So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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