All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
