where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize