New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
