All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
last night I used snow as a chaser
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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