i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My pussy is not your playground.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
