sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
