Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
