Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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