You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
