i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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