I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
