She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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