Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
