I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
